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Vold-E-Mart: One-Stop evil shopping for 50 years

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Shinning Armour [10 Feb 2007|11:30pm]

keinerlei
Item to be added: Shinning Armour
Link to sporking and/or link to story: Sued
Author of Sporking/Author of story: pottersues/halfblood portuguese
Suggested retail price of object: 54 galleons
Quote from story where object is mentioned: Are you picturing a tall, blonde haired and blue eyed model with a prince in shinning armour next to them?
Advertisement/Commercial: For the New, Advanced warfare of the Wizarding World - Torment your Enemies into Submission with this Brand-New Automatic Shinning Armour! Leave no Enemy Shin Unscathed! Why settle for Less? Order Today!
3 People Have Shopped Sell Your Soul?

[10 Jan 2007|11:31pm]

phantomday
Apoligies for the unrelated post, but I'd like to invite you to come and donate your snarkasm for the hope of a better nation.
Well, sort of.
I have opened the community  worstfanficeverfor those users like me, who cannot write good sporks, but can definitly find bad fan fic.
It will be run as a series of weekly contests that will be voted on by the members, and the winner gets, er...nothing. Well, maybe a little glory, and a spot on the worst fan fic ever list as the finder of each weeks winner. Also bragging rights for having read the thing. 
I'm getting long winded and again, I apoligize.
Come on over, linking fingers at the ready.

worstfanficever
2 People Have Shopped Sell Your Soul?

Backopen™ [01 Nov 2006|11:24pm]

tawaki
[ mood | LJ was being stupid. ]

Item to be Added: Backopen
Link to Sporking or Link to Story: Spork
Author of Sporking: Me
Suggested Retail Price of Object: 5 Sickles
Quote from Spork: His green eyes snapped backopen,
Swallow: Coming soon to vold_e_mart: Backopen™. A rubber band zat can be operated wit' ze eyes, and powerful enough to crack ze spine.
Advertisement/Commercial: The Backopen™ rubber band. Easy to use, and crippling. Perfect for revenge. Only five Sickles, only at vold_e_mart.

2 People Have Shopped Sell Your Soul?

We interrupt your scheduled programming to bring you this announcment... [19 Jul 2006|04:11pm]

phantomday

Sharpen Your Sporks!

The claiming list for parts in the sporking of Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban Movie will be up tomorrow afternoon.

Come on over to sporkhpmovie and join us!


(x-posted bunches of places)

Sell Your Soul?

Two items to add. [17 Jul 2006|12:35pm]

koemiko
[ mood | tired ]

Item to be added: Demonic Avon Catalog
Link to sporking and/or link to story: Applicant for a game - post is here.
Author of Sporking/Author of story: Retold by becka_mouse
Suggested retail price of object: 20 Sickles
Quote from story where object is mentioned: yoritomo_reiko: "Job Title: Demon rouge - My favorite part. *falls over laughing* He's a demonic Avon lady!"
Advertisement/Commercial:
Regular make-up not doing enough for you? Feeling a little on the naughty side? Then why be like other people when you can have a make-up forged in the fires of Hell? From the Lipstick of Lilith to Beelzebub's Baleful Blush, satisfy all of your cosmetic needs by purchasing our latest catalog, featuring our NEW line of products, Avon: Apocalypse! Plus, if you subscribe now, we'll send you a sample Lucifer's Luscious Lip Gloss, ABSOLUTELY FREE! That's right, ABSOLUTELY FREE!* Just send in your owl with your name, address, and 20 Sickles to the address provided, and you'll receive your FREE SAMPLE within five business days! So what are you waiting for? Send in your request, before this offer expires!

*priced at 14 Sickles, 3 Knuts


Item to be added: Flavored Wand Protectors
Link to sporking and/or link to story: In another applicant for the same game, sporked here.
Author of Sporking/Author of story: Retold by becka_mouse
Suggested retail price of object: 12 sickles, 7 knuts
Quote from story where object is mentioned: Voldemort raised his hand wand all ready graped waiting to have to use it.
Advertisement/Commercial:
Are you afraid of getting your wand scratched or damaged? Find it looking dull and want to stand out? Then you need our new Flavored Wand Protectors, brightly colored, stretchable sleeves to cover your wand and protect it from harm! Each sleeve is also scented and colored like your favorite fruit flavors, such as Cherry, Apple, Grape, Watermelon, Banana, Orange, Lemon and Blue Raspberry! You wouldn't want to damage your wand, would you? Protect your wand with Flavored Wand Protectors, exclusively from vold_e_mart!

7 People Have Shopped Sell Your Soul?

Wardrope [08 Jul 2006|06:12am]

farmercuerden
Item to be added: Wardrope
Link to sporking and/or link to story: It's one of the H/Hr Challenges on Portkey. Highlights here.
Author of Sporking/Author of story: Bryn2587
Suggested retail price of object: 10 galleons - and worth every knut
Quote from story where object is mentioned: "He spends the month before his birthday working out (gym, running, sit-ups, pushups, working etc.) and spends a day off sometime going to Gringotts (before bday) changing some money into 'muggle' money and buying a full new designer wardrope, contact lenses and maybe a tattoo or earing. Just make him really cool..."
Advertisement/Commercial:
Tired of Crazy Harmonians (tm) always getting to wherever you hide? Idiotic fanfiction writers bothering you? Well, now you can put up a wardrope! Just like the adjustable rope barriers you may have seen in muggle banks and restaurants before you killed all therein, but self-adjusting, allowing those trying to bother you to be trapped in an ever-changing maze that only ducking under the barrier will get them past - thus keeping out the really stupid, of which there are just so many.
1 People Have Shopped Sell Your Soul?

Puf's [13 Jun 2006|12:52pm]

tawaki
[ mood | lethargic ]

Item to be Added: Puf's
Link to Sporking or Link to Story: Sporking
Author of Sporking: Me
Suggested Retail Price of Object: 8 sickles, 12 knuts a jar
Quote from Sporking: I didn’t hear any footsteps or the elevator just a few puf’s
Hawfinch: Coming soon to vold_e_mart. Attract squirrels by the score to someone's birdfeeder.
Advertisement/Commercial: Mad at a birdwatcher? Get revenge by daubing Puf's on their birdfeeders. The local squirrels will run wild, and everyone knows squirrels are evil.

2 People Have Shopped Sell Your Soul?

Chouse [12 Jun 2006|10:20pm]

tawaki
[ mood | calm ]

Item to be Added: Chouse
Link to Sporking or Link to Story: Sporking
Author of Sporking: morriganscrow
Suggested Retail Price of Object: 12 sickles per kilogram
Quote from Sporking Where Object is Mentioned: but he had no chouse another magical hybrid, this time of a piece of cheese and a louse. It makes your head itchy and gives you lactose-intolerance
Advertisement/Commercial: Want someone to change their diet? Give them chouse and they'll never drink milk again!

1 People Have Shopped Sell Your Soul?

[08 Jun 2006|08:16pm]

quistis218
Item to be added: Drab Cluevery.
Link to sporking and/or link to story: Story here and sporking here
Author of Sporking/Author of story: Sporked by the brave heartnomar5. Suethored by someone named Crystamber.
Suggested retail price of object: 5 galleons per unit
Quote from story where object is mentioned:
The jewelry she was blending pureeing whirring always matched her color-changing eyes. The jewelry was all a relic of Rowena Ravenclaw. Here’s the key:

Purple eyes/jewelry excited slutty.

Yellow angry jaundiced.

Drab cluevery happy or relaxed. Okay, I don't even know what that says.

Advertisement/Commercial:
Wondering what mood to set your mood ring jewel orb eyes to? Wonder no more, with Drab Cluevery, the mood to go with all moods.
:D
Only At Vold-E-Mart!
3 People Have Shopped Sell Your Soul?

[29 May 2006|08:39pm]

10th_letter
I'm starting a community. I was bitten by an idea mole (worse than a plot bunny). It was inspired by a post i made earlier where members of each of the four houses discussed various topics. I'm turning it into a community. I need one Ravenclaw, one Slytherin and one Gryffindor. I'll, of course, be the Hufflepuff. At least once a week, or whenever we feel like it. One of us will post a topic. For the next few days we'll discuss it through the lenses of our respective houses. Community members will be able to ask us questions and what not. I may also have two or three representatives per house. Let me know what you think. Here's the comm address.

http://community.livejournal.com/four_takeshp/

If you're interested e-mail me at medenslupus{at}hotmail{dot}com. I'd be more than happy to hear from you. I'll post here once i find the other three or so representatives.

X-Posted all over the place.

EDIT

The Ravenclaw Rep has been taken. Our Ravenclaw will be angel_masochist. Slytherin and Gryffindor are still open however!

EDIT

The Slytherin Rep has been taken. Our Slytherin Rep will be dementor. Gryffindor is still open though!
5 People Have Shopped Sell Your Soul?

Wish Gel [18 Apr 2006|10:46am]

pharaoh_katt
[ mood | sick ]

Just when you thought sentence structure couldn't get worse...

Item to be added: Wish gel
Link to sporking and/or link to story: http://community.livejournal.com/deleterius/2099157.html - too lazy to tag
Author of Sporking/Author of story: pharaoh_katt /ADevilNo
Suggested retail price of object: 17 Galleons, 4 sickles
Quote from story where object is mentioned: "A tall, fit figure walked the train with short black, died flattened out wish gel until it swerved to a point at his bangs."
Advertisement/Commercial: Hair suddenly dying on you? Changing shape, colour and name against your will? Get Wish Gel! Bring your hair back to life, keep it tame andnever worry about acciedental deaths again!

2 People Have Shopped Sell Your Soul?

Book of Great Prophets and Seers of the Future [02 Apr 2006|06:04pm]

tawaki
[ mood | bored ]

Item to be Added: The Book of Great Prophets and Seers of the Future
Link to Sporking or Link to Story: Spork
Author of Sporking: Me.
Suggested Retail Price of Object: 29 Galleons, 16 Sickles, 22 Knuts
Quote the Story Where Object is Mentioned: She was standing alone and reading a book. I noticed that the book was about great prophets and seers of future.
Advertisement/Commercial: Want to know whose oracles to trust and and whose not to? Buy this book and learn who the masters will be! A veritable bargain!

1 People Have Shopped Sell Your Soul?

First time posting. [02 Apr 2006|05:25am]

koemiko
Item to be added: Snorting Hat
Link to sporking and/or link to story: Spork
Author of Sporking/Author of story: An applicant for theoshaped's game.
Suggested retail price of object: 25 Galleons, 15 Sickles
Quote from story where object is mentioned: The snorting hat deeply suggested Ravenclaw, since she is more of that than Slytherin, but to keep peace in the family she urged - and go - Slythern.
Advertisement/Commercial:
Sometimes, the regular sorting hat just isn't funny enough. No problem! With the new Snorting Hat, you will have hours of entertainment! Give it something to snort and watch the hilarious results**, listen to the songs that it will make up - the Snorting Hat is there to make you the life of the party!

**vold_e_mart is not responsible for the misuse of this product and does not suggest illegal substances are to be used with the Snorting Hat
4 People Have Shopped Sell Your Soul?

[05 Jan 2006|07:36pm]

maideleh
Item to be added: Head-Of-Time
Link to sporking and/or link to story: http://www.livejournal.com/community/deleterius/1861540.html?view=40803492&style=mine#t40803492
Author of Sporking/Author of story: author: Emma Barrows sporker: ravenalaya
Suggested retail price of object: 100 galleons
Quote from story where object is mentioned: “I’ll send the Headmaster an owl making him aware of head-of-time about your situation,” Mr. Lupin said nodding.
Advertisement/Commercial: Ever find yourself in a tricky situation? Wish you could get away from it? Only want to deal with it some of the time? Then you need NEW! Head-Of-Time! Store all those nasty little problems away to deal with later in this stylish shrunken head! A must for debtors, divorcees, wangsty sues, and teen werewolves! A steal at 100 galleons!
Sell Your Soul?

[13 Dec 2005|04:25pm]

usagi_toriyama
[ mood | amused ]

This is my first post here, so please don't make too much fun of me. :D
Item to be added: James and Lily's Speshul Protection Rings
Link to sporking and/or link to story: Sporking
Author of Sporking/Author of story: kate_erickson was the lovely sporker. The suethor was kristyPotter1.
Suggested retail price of object: 70 Galleons (Matching earrings and necklace sold seperately.)
Quote from story where object is mentioned: QuoteCollapse )
Advertisement/Commercial: Are you tired of those nasty sporkers at Deleterius attacking you for being more speshuler than them? What about the angry mobs chasing you because your twu wuv happens to be an elf, or perhaps half-fairy? Well, we at Vold-e-mart have just the thing to protect you from anything and everything* that crosses your path: James and Lily's Speshul Protection Rings! Get yours while supplies last!
*Speshul Protection Rings are not effective against Deleterian verbal assaults or spork launchers.

2 People Have Shopped Sell Your Soul?

First Post, Be Gentle? [29 Nov 2005|11:55pm]

kapnkaty
Item to be added: Amnesia Waifs
Link to sporking and/or link to story: Winds and Chances also, my Sporking of Winds and Chances
Author of Sporking/Author of story: kapnkaty (me) for the sporking, fic written by LilPKLoser
Suggested retail price of object: 2 sickles and a knut per pack
Quote from story where object is mentioned: "The buzz of voices had returned to the room by the time introductions were done and Harry found him self at a table eating with the entire clan, he was seated between Jack and Lily who seemed to have decided that she would be the one to act mother to the poor little amnesia waif."
Advertisement/Commercial:
(Int. Child's Bedroom. Night)
Child: Oh Noes! I forgot to do my homework!
(Thin young child bursts in)
Child: What the-? Hey! You broke my window!
Waif: Don't worry about that homework, just have some Amnesia Waifs! Why, just one of these little buggers will clear your mind of all responsibility, heck, it'll clear your mind of all personal information!
Child: But... my window...
Waif: *stuffs Child's mouth with small cookies * I didn't break anything!
Child: *looks around *Where...Where am I?
(Cut to; shot of box of Cookies)
Amnesia Waifs! For the Irresponsible Slacker inside you who just wants to forget... everything! Now available at vold_e_mart for a limited time only! *enter catchy jingle *
4 People Have Shopped Sell Your Soul?

[19 Nov 2005|06:07pm]

miscellany_me
Item to be added: Viagra Kedavra
Link to sporking and/or link to story: Story here and sporking here (Warning: this is extremely sexually explicit, and mind - rottingly awful to boot.)
Author of Sporking/Author of story: miscellany_me/Ravenkiss
Suggested retail price of object: 5 Galleons a packet
Quote from story where object is mentioned:
"You filthy Slytherin whore! I will tell everyone that you murdered me!"
"Murder is such an ugly word Albus. Besides, all I really did was give you more of a good thing. When you asked me to get your dragon's blood potion, I added a little something to it. A mixture of twelve muggle anti-impotency pills." Dumbledore gaped at him.

Advertisement/Commercial: Wanna get rid of that irritating person in your life the fun way? Just slip 12 of these Viagra Kedavra tablets into their morning coffee, and after hours and hours of non - stop bonking, they'll be dead as a doorpost! Better still, this is Muggle stuff and will be virtually undetectable when the authorities examine the body! Available now from vold_e_mart at the special price of just 5 - yes, 5 - Galleons per packet! Warning - we do NOT recommend testing this stuff on yourself, nor will we accept responsibility for the results of misuse of the product.
4 People Have Shopped Sell Your Soul?

[15 Nov 2005|11:32pm]

quistis218
Item to be added: Clear Clue Eyes
Link to sporking and/or link to story: sporking
Author of Sporking/Author of story: yeah_i_get_it sporked and the culprit is 'padfootwillreturn' (no, he won't)
Suggested retail price of object: 10 Galleons a pair
Quote from story where object is mentioned: Her crystal clue eyes, were glazed with tears, and almost looked haunting.
Advertisement/Commercial:
Tired of never knowing what people are thinking? Too lazy to actually learn occlumency? Then invest in a pair of Vold-e-Mart's 'Crystal Clue Eyes', which will, using the magical power of x-rays, give you an insight into your victim's thoughts.

Beware, product may cause angst, tears, and other symptoms of 'Sue-itis'.
2 People Have Shopped Sell Your Soul?

Tired of your old nose? [13 Nov 2005|09:55pm]

das_mervin
Item to be added: Nose hoods for the long-nosed
Link to sporking and/or link to story: Sporking and story
Author of Sporking/Author of story: Well, I posted the Sue, but packhunt and _youngblood_ pointed it out.
Suggested retail price of object: 4 Galleons
Quote from story where object is mentioned:
“Watch your step” ”, said a voice from above her, she raised her head and saw, what at first sight looked like an ordinary tall boy with black greasy hair, long hooded nose and thin lips.
packhunt: ...Snape has a "long, hooded nose"? I can't stop laughing about that. I wonder who tailors for it.
_youngblood_: What is it hooded by? A tiny little nose umbrella?

Advertisement/Commercial:

Do you have a long, hooked nose? Does it get wet in the rain, making you quite unsightly for your meetings with the Dark Lord? Well, look no furthur, for vold_e_mart has finally solved that problem--for those with long noses, simply buy a nose hood! Simply tape it to your forehead as instructions dictate and your nose will stay high and dry in any and all weather! The Nose Hood! Only available at vold_e_mart!
3 People Have Shopped Sell Your Soul?

[02 Nov 2005|07:31pm]

das_mervin
And part twoCollapse )
1 People Have Shopped Sell Your Soul?

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